one two three fourrrrnication!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
