Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
