sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she told me i tasted like america
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
