I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
