I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
