well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
