so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
