My Higher Power is John Stamos
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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