I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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