I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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