What a fucking waste of an outfit
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
