I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm getting married
To pizza
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
