M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
