we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
