We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
where am i from again
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
