Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
