I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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