if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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