On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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