My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
