Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
