I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
