Plan B is the new Plan A
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
