consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
