Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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