We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
