our cab driver is having phone sex.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Boobs are out for the taking
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
