So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
