So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
wow bdsm is so cute
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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