Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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