how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
