she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
