Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
