Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
false alarm, still single
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