no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
