He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
