Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
