he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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