there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
