Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
