Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
