so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
