I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
