I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
