I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
