just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
