Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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