I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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