This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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