HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
