I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
we're so committed to being not committed
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