remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
